The 3 Reasons a Marriage Breaks Down According to Marriage Counsellors
Something that seemed good in the beginning can quickly turn into something that seems irretrievable. We are, of course, talking about problems in a marriage. Both parties have stopped talking and are just carrying on as if everything is okay when it is anything but. This might be for the sake of the children or to try and deny what is happening. In truth, a couple is growing further apart. They are just existing and neither is happy.
So, this article will consider the reasons why a marriage breaks down so that we can better understand it. This will help us and combined with Marriage Counseling, allow us to prevent the divorce and learn to love and appreciate each other as we once did. What has changed? We are the same people at heart. Wanting different things is only really about compromise and allowing each other their own space when they need it.
Lack of Communication
Marriages are in danger of breaking down when either side stops talking. To listen to each other is to understand things from the other’s point of view and so put ourselves in a position to compromise where needed. Also, by not talking, we are “burying our head in the sand” or “not waking up and smelling the coffee,” as the expressions go. This is all about pretending that nothing is wrong when there is. We do not want to believe that a marriage we have been in for years, or perhaps only a matter of months, is about to break down when in the beginning things were so wonderful. We must have been because we have the happy pictures to prove it. Those from outside the church with the confetti and a whole album of beach photos showing us relaxing and having fun on our honeymoon.
Let’s remember those again for a minute and then start talking to each other about why things are different now than they used to be. If we make that comparison then we can start to work out how to improve things so that we return to those happy times again. Whatever else is going on, the happiness is for us to share and grab as much of as we can.
Stopped Enjoying Things Together
Marriage works best when we do not individualize our activities entirely. Okay, it is good to have our hobbies that involve meeting our own set of friends, but equally, we should have some “together time”. Quality time, as some families will call it.
It is good to think of some activities that both individuals in a marriage can enjoy. This is easier when you have children, but when just a couple, this can simply be getting together socially with friends as a couple. Is there a sport that you could play together, such as tennis? It could, for example, end up the ultimate double’s partnership. Then, meeting up regularly could be made easier by getting together with perhaps the couple from next door, who may even be going through the same marriage problems behind closed doors. It could be a case of both couples benefitting from the marriage-saving experience. The Love-40 on the tennis court need not be a bad thing when against us as the server, it could turn into rekindled love once back at home.
Talking through things with a marriage counsellor, as a person who will listen, can provide lots of ideas for activities that couples can take part in together and enjoy. To enjoy the activity is to begin to enjoy each other’s company again. A good marriage is part physical attraction and part being able to tolerate one another, whatever their ways and habits. There will, of course, be something about everyone that annoys us, but there needs to be some give and take to get over it. Perhaps some habits have developed in later life which are annoying us. It is just a case of effective communication, as mentioned above, to resolve these.
The Romance Has Gone
Many marriages started through romance and so may only continue through it. Aging years should not be a barrier to romance as there are lots of romantic gestures that will still work. It is about making the effort on both sides to be romantic when it does not come naturally anymore. A relationship can quickly become stale and need some excitement or variety injected back into it.
So, what can we do to be more romantic? Well, you cannot beat the old methods many would say. This would mean buying a present such as flowers or chocolates and not just on special occasions, but at other times of the year too. Then, it is more of a surprise rather than something expected by tradition. Surprise is often associated with romance because you did something thoughtful that the other person was not expecting.
Romance very often has to be arranged and cannot be just spontaneous. So, time could be spent thinking the romantic gesture out. This will be a pleasant time too, just thinking about it. Then imagine both parties with a smile on their face planning a romantic gesture for the other. As long as it does not work out at the same time on the same day, it will be fine. Although, that would be quite funny and bring a smile that would last for a long time.
So, we are wishing you well if you are in this position. Think about what has been said above and look to enlist the help of a marriage counsellor. How can things not be salvageable when there was love, appreciation, and tolerance of one another existing in the first place?